Heaven Sent: Karen’s Path to Substance Abuse RecoveryHeaven Sent

“My life has been a series of ups and downs. But right now, I have angels in my life who have and are still helping me ride the waves and stay on track,” said Karen Phillips, OneEighty client and agency cheerleader.

Early Trauma

Her experience with drugs began at the age of 9. She found that cannabis took the edge off her life which included an abusive father and then, at the age of 17, rape from a man who she thought was her friend.

When her mother, her best friend, died, she was shattered. At the time, she was married, working, and raising three young daughters with a husband who struggled with alcoholism, but he was a loving and caring to her and their children. After 18 years of marriage, they divorced.

She turned to her pastor whom she trusted for counseling. He let her down by becoming mentally and sexually abusive. Eventually her abuse was collaborated by another one of his victims and he no longer serves as a pastor. But during this time, Karen’s drug abuse continued. When she recognized she was surviving – not thriving – she went on her own to a Narcotics Anonymous (NA) meeting in Brunswick. There she became friends with some of the participants.

New Addictions Lead to Incarceration

“I was invited to go to a picnic at one of the guys’ houses,” Karen said. “Other group members were also going, so I thought it was ok to go. One of the male guests took me aside when I got there and said, ‘Want to have some real fun?’” With that, he stuck a needle in my arm. Thus began my introduction and my addiction to cocaine.”

For eight months, Karen did whatever she could to get the money she needed to support her cocaine addiction. This included stealing money from her mother-in-law which put in motion a critical turning point.

“I was down on my knees, praying to God asking for help when the doorbell rang,” Karen recalled. “There stood two officers who had come to charge me with grand theft. As the female officer took me out of my house, I thanked her for saving my life.”

Karen spent 2 years in Marysville prison. She joined what was called the Tapestry program, an intensive recovery program for inmates designed to help them maintain a drug- and crime-free life following release. She went to a Recovery House in Medina from prison, and she was able to maintain sobriety for 8 months.

Rebuilding on Her Own

She went to her first Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meeting and met a man there who would once again change her life, but not for the better.

“Within 8 months of our meeting, I moved in with him and was pregnant with our son,” Karen said. “The man became abusive. One of my daughters shared that she couldn’t take his abuse anymore. My fear of being alone consumed me, and I sided with him. I sat there as I watched my daughter move out on her own. After she moved out, the verbal abuse began to get physical. I knew my son was witnessing this abuse, and I decided that this time, I would put my son first.”

She went to a series of counselors who prescribed 4 different psych medications to deal with her anxiety. Fearful of her situation, she felt trapped. Her friends watched as she became zombie-like, and her significant other drank and smoked more marijuana. Finally, her best friend told her it was time for her to get out. She told Karen they would help her leave him.  

“My best friend showed up with trucks, U-Hauls, a key to a storage unit, and additional help to move all my possessions out,” Karen said. Just as we were finishing up, he showed up asking what the hell I was doing. As he screamed at me, his teeth went flying out of his head. Somehow this absurdity made me laugh and find the strength to shout out to him that ‘he would have to find someone else to abuse.’”

Meeting My Angels

Karen’s son was dropped off at his sister’s house, and she went directly to Julia’s Place, OneEighty’s Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Shelter.

“I was shaking with fear when I walked up to the door,” Karen recalled. “That is where I met my first angel, Theresa. She took my hand and said, ‘It’s going to be ok,’ and she kept repeating it until I started to believe.”

Shelter counselors Theresa and Deb walked me through the plan we would build to help me put my life back together.

“From the moment I became part of Julia’s House, I was surrounded with understanding, caring and supportive love,” she said. 

Karen thrived in various therapy programs. She participated in an outpatient recovery group to get off of cannabis. Journaling and peer support kept her doing the leg work. Now 25 years off cocaine, she recalls one program in particular that truly resonated with her.

“I absolutely loved my group meetings of CBT, Cognitive Behavior Therapy,” she said. “Becky was such an amazing leader who helped us dig deeper into ourselves and what made us tick. We worked on reprogramming our brains to get to a place where we could love ourselves. I was the oldest one there, but I found myself in a group of men and women who shared mutual understanding. I finally learned that I had a right to speak out when I knew something wasn’t right.”

For six months, Karen worked with the OneEighty staff to bring everything back together. Jennifer, one of her ‘angels’, worked in OneEighty’s housing program. She gave Karen new hope which included finding an apartment and giving her an extension on her rent until she could manage it. She was fearful when she left the security of the shelter, but her ‘angels’ continued to walk her through her plan. She was working and rebuilding stronger relationships with her children whom she adores.

One More Blip in the Road to Substance Abuse Recovery

Her abusive ex-partner reached out to her begging her to come back into his life. Still working with One-Eighty counselors, she drafted a conditional plan to allow him to reconnect with both her and their son. He had to meet certain criteria, a task he was unable to maintain for the proposed designated year.

Karen has moved on with her recovery plan, knowing she will always be connected and welcomed back where her angels reside. She still visits the shelter often.

“People need to understand that there is always hope. I walked out and six months later, I didn’t want to leave the safety of Julia’s Place and the people who gave me so much,” Karen said. “One always has a devil on their shoulder. But with every step forward, you get stronger! The people I worked with helped me do what I needed to do. I will be forever grateful for their compassionate, caring help! My goal now is to pay it forward. I intend to work towards getting further education so I can do just that.”