Navigating the Digital Maze: Understanding and Preventing Teen Dating Violence

It comes as no surprise that since we live in a much more connected world, the landscape of adolescent relationships has evolved. This change in the dating world brings new challenges and complexities, particularly concerning dating violence. At OneEighty, we are committed to shedding light on this critical issue, educating our community, and empowering individuals to recognize, prevent, and intervene in teen dating violence. We sat down with Rhiannon Whalen-Harris, M.Ed., Community, Prevention, & Victim Services Director at OneEighty, to gain deeper insights into her work and our organization’s vital focus on this area.

Rhiannon’s Role and OneEighty’s Commitment to Preventing Teen Dating Violence

Rhiannon leads OneEighty’s integrated approach to supporting individuals and communities. As she explains, her role encompasses two distinct yet interconnected departments: “We have prevention, and those services are broad between both the prevention of violence within individuals’ lives, and also with the prevention of substance use disorder.” This holistic view is crucial, as the healthy relationships program she champions bridges both prevention and victim services, offering support to those who have experienced intimate partner violence or domestic violence, sexual assault, rape, stalking, or human trafficking.

OneEighty’s focus on teen dating violence and community education stems from a clear understanding of the continuum of care. Rhiannon emphasizes the importance of early intervention: “What proactive steps can we take to prevent problems before they arise?” Our organization recognizes that without education and resources, many teenagers would remain isolated in their experiences, as “there’s so much silence that comes with victimization,” driven by shame, fear, or a sense of hopelessness. By providing education proactively, OneEighty aims to break this silence and connect teens with the support they need.

Defining Teen Dating Violence: Beyond the Obvious

Many people associate violence solely with physical harm, but teen dating violence is far more multifaceted. Rhiannon clarifies that “any sort of violence is defined by the behaviors of power and control.” These behaviors can include physical and sexual violence, but also subtle, repetitive actions that break down a person’s autonomy. These include “minimizing behaviors or coercive sorts of behaviors, trust issues,” which are often “pretty sneaky and are hard for people to even identify.” The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) further defines teen dating violence as physical, sexual, psychological, or emotional abuse within a dating relationship, or stalking.

Warning Signs to Look Out For

It can be challenging for parents, teachers, and friends to spot the warning signs, especially since abusive patterns often start subtly. Rhiannon highlights some common indicators:

• Jealousy: This is often mistaken for love or care. As Rhiannon notes, “Jealousy is the number one thing that is so confusing that we continue to have teenagers that will literally say to us, “How would I ever know that my partner cares about me if they’re not acting jealous in some way?” This normalized jealousy is a very unhealthy behavior that, when it becomes a pattern, signals an abusive relationship.
• Isolation: Abusers often seek to isolate their partners from friends and family. This can manifest as demands for constant communication, guilt-tripping for spending time with others, or criticism of a partner’s social circle.
• Controlling behaviors: These can involve constant monitoring, making decisions for a partner, or dictating their appearance or activities.

Dispelling Misconceptions

The most significant misconception about teen dating violence, according to Rhiannon, is that it doesn’t exist. Many adults view teen relationships as “cute little relationships where people aren’t really serious about things,” underestimating the emotional intensity and dependency involved. However, statistics from organizations like Love is Respect show a high percentage of adults receiving victim services also experienced dating violence as teens. This highlights that these relationships are far from trivial and can have lasting impacts. The CDC reports that 1 in 3 U.S. teens will experience physical, sexual, or emotional abuse from a dating partner.

Another misconception is that violence is always obvious. Rhiannon explains that abuse often begins with “very subtle sorts of behaviors… what we tend to refer to as unhealthy patterns.” These might start as seemingly loving gestures, like wanting to spend all of their time together, which then gradually escalates into controlling demands, making it tricky for people to see. This gradual escalation is why it’s so important to understand the spectrum of healthy, unhealthy, and abusive relationships.

Social Media: A Double-Edged Sword

Social media has undeniably changed the dynamics of teen relationships. While it can facilitate connection, it also creates new avenues for abuse and control. Rhiannon explains that the pressure to portray a perfect image online often leads teens to “put on a mask and pretend like it isn’t happening” when things go wrong in their relationship.

Online Red Flags

Social media can provide fertile ground for abusive patterns. Here are some red flags in a teen’s online activity:

• Demanding Access: A partner demanding access to a teen’s social media accounts, emails, or phone. Rhiannon notes, “Demanding that somebody has access to all of the social media stuff, so they don’t really actually have privacy.”
• Constant Monitoring: Excessive checking up on a partner’s online activity, including who they interact with, what they post, and where they are.
• Guilt-Tripping and Pressure: Using social media to guilt-trip a partner for not responding immediately or for not including them in online activities.
• Idealized Image vs. Reality: A teen’s online persona might drastically differ from their real-life demeanor, suggesting they are hiding struggles.
• Isolation from Friends: Notice if a teen’s online interactions increasingly revolve solely around their partner, with a decrease in engagement with other friends or activities they once enjoyed.

The Pivotal Role of Parents and Caregivers

Parents and caregivers are often the most influential figures in a teen’s life, even if teens don’t always show it. Rhiannon reveals that “we continuously get feedback from teenagers that are telling us, “I want to hear from my parents. I trust them and I make decisions based on the things that they’re saying to me.”

Despite this, there’s a disconnect: “It’s really low percentages of teens that are disclosing these sorts of things to their parents.” Parents often underestimate the prevalence of teen dating violence and their children’s willingness to talk. Rhiannon advises parents to “Start the conversation with something simple, like pointing out that they only post about their partner. However you begin, the goal is to make these kinds of honest, reflective conversations a regular part of your relationship.” The key is to create an open environment where teens feel comfortable discussing their relationships without fear of judgment.

OneEighty’s Prevention and Educational Programs

OneEighty is deeply invested in community education. Our primary offering is a multi-day prevention education program delivered to school districts in Wayne and Holmes counties, primarily for 9^th– and10^th– graders in health classes. This program focuses on equipping teens with the basics of healthy relationships and awareness of resources.

Setting Boundaries and Recognizing Respect

Rhiannon’s advice to teens about setting boundaries and recognizing respect centers on intimate communication. She emphasizes that a mature relationship allows for open dialogue about its health and characteristics. “If you feel like you can’t say to your partner, ‘we need to talk about healthy relationships or healthy relationship characteristics and the boundaries for myself’, then that is automatically a red flag.” This inability to openly discuss boundaries and mutual respect is a critical warning sign that the relationship may be unhealthy or even abusive.

What’s the First Step?

If you recognize any of these warning signs in a friend, child, or loved one, the very first step is to reach out and express your concern. Offer a safe space for them to talk without judgment. Encourage them to seek help from trusted adults, school counselors, or organizations like OneEighty. Remember, you are not alone, and help is available.

Get Involved with OneEighty

OneEighty’s prevention and victim services work relies on community support and involvement. By working together, we can empower teenagers to build healthy relationships, recognize warning signs, and foster a culture of dating respect and safety for all. Learn how you can get involved.